dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
