at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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