just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
