Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
