I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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