I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
