I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
