Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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