So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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