Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
