oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
