I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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