i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
