i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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