the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
