So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
