And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they need to just BURY HIM!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
