I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Say something about gay babies.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
