i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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