just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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