then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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