I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
