Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
