Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
