nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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