so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
