It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
