You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
