so explain again why im purple
no
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
