Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
