He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
