The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
