It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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