i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
