I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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