think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
