every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
