he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
