Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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