i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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