so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
