he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
