He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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