This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
