Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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