i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
