is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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