ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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