Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
