when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize