I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
